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‘I have something significant going on in my personal life. How much do I need to share with work?’

For the past few years, it feels like people in my network have had a slew of unexpected events happen in their personal lives. From illnesses to relationship issues to pregnancy, when life throws a curveball, it’s hard to focus.

Figuring out what, when, and how much to share with your employer can be tough. This decision is very personal and often comes down to the relationships and trust you have with your coworkers. I’ve put together some guiding thoughts to help navigate during tough times:

Trust Your Gut - You know the rapport you have with your manager and team and you need to feel confident about the right time to share personal news. During my first trimester of pregnancy with my son, I was sick for weeks and definitely wasn’t able to be my best self. I had (and still have) and incredibly trusting relationship with one of my direct reports. I told her when I was only 6 weeks pregnant. The bottom line was that I needed her help and support - and I truly couldn’t have done it without her. It allowed me to continue doing my job during a physically and emotionally uncertain time, knowing that someone had my back (thank you forever, Mariann 😉).

Be Honest With Yourself - I wish that everyone had a job where they could ‘bring their whole self to work’ but, in reality, that’s not the case. When thinking about when and how much to share with your employer, the first thing I recommend doing is reflecting on where your head is at. How much can you compartmentalize? If you’re great at this, kudos to you! I’m not. When something significant is happening in my personal life, I struggle to focus at work and often make mistakes that are very unlike me. It’s important to be honest with yourself about how much you can really contribute during these life events and to figure out how this works with your work obligations.

Be Honest With Others - If and when the time comes to share news with your manager, HR, or others, be as honest as you’re comfortable with. It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “I have some personal issues going on which I’m not ready to share, but need to take some time off.” Even this tiny bit of insight will build the empathy vs. just approving a PTO request or thinking you’re suddenly disengaged. Several years ago, the performance of one of my previous direct reports started to slip. When I talked to them about it, they shared that they were having significant health issues. What I thought was going to be a performance management conversation, quickly changed into how we could support them with taking a needed leave of absence.

Understand your rights - Lots of life events are associated with legally protected leaves. While I hope you work for an employer, manager, and team who will support you regardless of your rights, it never hurts to do a quick Google search and know what you’re entitled to.

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What I’ll Answer Next Time:

‘I’m thinking of leaving my job. What do I need to think about beforehand and what’s the best way to actually quit?’

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Disclaimer: This newsletter is purely opinion-based and nothing included should be interpreted or construed as legal or professional advice. If you want professional advice, I’d love to work with you. Please reach out.